So here, I offer my
list of what a 4 year old should know.
She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally,
all of the time.
He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep
himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations.
He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and
that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no
matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and
that his family will back them up.
She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her
imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the
sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow
them. If he couldn’t care less about learning his numbers, his
parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough
and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing,
dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
She should know that the world is magical and that so is she.
She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative,
compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as
worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies
and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way
more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to know.
That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at
his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he
walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement
and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not
workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers,
but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to
sit and read them wonderful books.
That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has
never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up
in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving
them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the
biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple,
carefree childhood.
That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art
supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get
rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed,
but some things are important– building toys like legos and
blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good
stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones),
dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of
this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need
to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play
with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of
course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play
dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even
though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s
absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
That our children need more of us. We have become so good at
saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us
have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take
care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with
friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of
parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines
recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child
and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not
okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school
activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice
nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and
listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with
them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act
like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and
not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They
deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as
long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that
they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with
them.
